I know I haven’t blogged for a while and I apologise for that. I suppose I can sit here and come up with various reasons for why I’ve left it this long to write another post. You know, blame it on the Christmas season or whatever else seems appropriate. Honestly though, it’s been a conscious choice not to write a post for the last couple of weeks. I know I owe you guys an apology for that and I’m sorry for not writing sooner, but let me try to explain….
I haven’t wanted to write recently because I feel that I haven’t really been in the right frame of mind to do that. December has been a really difficult month for me for various reasons, but mostly, I’ve been angry. Angry at myself, at others and just at the world in general. I wanted to just take some time to sort things out for myself and get my head straight. I felt that if I wrote a post in the frame of mind I’ve been in lately, I’d just end up venting and writing things I didn’t mean.
I don’t want to get into this too much right now, but the last few weeks have been hard for me both personally and professionally. Have you ever had the feeling that you want to walk into the middle of nowhere and just scream your head off? Or felt so frustrated that you almost feel suffocated? Now, I really don’t want to create the impression that I’m just miserable, because that’s not it. I have so much to be grateful for, and I really am. I think I’ve just come to a point in my life where I’m desperately craving change on so many levels.
I’m frustrated with myself for always playing the victim and looking at the glass as half empty. I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and I’m fed up of always adopting the attitude of “Why does everything always happen to me?”. I’m only a victim if I allow myself to be one.
I’ve spent the past month beating myself up, being negative and angry and I’m tired of it. I want to be more proactive and I want more for myself. Only I can make that happen. I don’t want to spend my time hoping others approve of me. I want to be proud of myself and I want to embrace the fact that I’m the only one that needs to approve of myself.
I’m so tired of being a victim of my own bullshit (pardon my french!)….2012 is going to be the year where I make changes. A lot of changes!
So, apologies again for not writing for so long. I think I now know what I’m meant to be doing and will do everything in my power to make the changes I need in my life. I also promise to keep you all in the loop every step of the way….