Soul-Searching….or something like it!

As you all may know, I decided to take redundancy about 2 months ago. It was a massive decision for me, but one I’m told by many, will be the best decision of my life. I’m not quite sure about all that yet, but I feel as if I’m in a constant flow between feeling really positive about the move, and being on the verge on a panic attack!

For example, I was on the 507 bus making my way to work, when I almost burst into tears….in front of a bus load of grumpy morning commuters! Great, just great. I had this sudden flash of panic and anxiety which I couldn’t shake. What job will I be doing soon? Will anybody even give me a job? What am I really doing with my life? I’m almost 30 years old and I’ve not contributed to society one bit!

This could go on, but I felt really panic-stricken and am still having bouts of it now….a few weeks later. It might have something to do with the fact that I only have 2 more weeks left in my current job, then I’m jobless. It’s probably that, but I can’t be sure! 😉

In the search for a new job, I’ve crossed paths with some very wise people, and the overwhelming piece of advice….What do you want? What do you really, really want?

And of course, that’s the easiest question in the world to answer. Everybody knows exactly what they want in life, right? WRONG! It’s an agonisingly difficult question to answer. A question that requires many hours of soul-searching. Now, I’m not sure if I struck it lucky, but in a way, I was almost forced into answering the question by being faced with a few very, very difficult decisions.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve applied for – what seems like – a gazillion jobs. Mostly, I was met with the usual…“Thank you for your application. However,….” Blah, blah, blah! Everyone knows how the rest of that line goes. However, I have been offered a few jobs, and they were good jobs. But every single time, I had to ask myself: What do you REALLY want? Answering this has caused many a semi-nervous breakdown accompanied by heart palpitations, tears and countless supportive hugs from my boyfriend, quickly followed by a large glass of red wine!

Yes, I’ve turned down a few jobs. I’m fully aware of just home awful that sounds, especially in todays economic climate. To some, I might even seem ungrateful. My justification? I have this amazing (and perhaps once in a lifetime opportunity…God knows, I’m not getting any younger!) to shape a career for myself. To bravely go out into the world and do what I really want to do with my life. Every time I made a decision about a job, I went with my gut feeling. And I have to say, so far in my life, that feeling has always served me well. I felt that if I took a job just for the sake of having a job, I would forever regret not just going all out to achieve my dream.

Well, what is this dream, you ask…..

I finally know. Without a shadow of doubt in my mind, I finally know what it is that I want to do. I’m want to work within the animal and environmental charity sector. I’m not quite sure which specific areas yet, but I’m willing to work hard and relentlessly to get where I want to be. I know the next year or two will be a lean year in the Davies/de Gouveia household, but we’re (and I include a very supportive boyfriend in that!) ready for it. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to achieve what you really want to, and that’s what I’m doing.

A very wise woman told me recently….”Once you know what you want, and I mean what you really, really want, you’ll always succeed at it. Do you know why? Because you’ll be passionate about it, and you’ll be happy no matter what.”

Well said.

Thanks for reading everyone & I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted!

xxxx

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