Soul-Searching….or something like it!

As you all may know, I decided to take redundancy about 2 months ago. It was a massive decision for me, but one I’m told by many, will be the best decision of my life. I’m not quite sure about all that yet, but I feel as if I’m in a constant flow between feeling really positive about the move, and being on the verge on a panic attack!

For example, I was on the 507 bus making my way to work, when I almost burst into tears….in front of a bus load of grumpy morning commuters! Great, just great. I had this sudden flash of panic and anxiety which I couldn’t shake. What job will I be doing soon? Will anybody even give me a job? What am I really doing with my life? I’m almost 30 years old and I’ve not contributed to society one bit!

This could go on, but I felt really panic-stricken and am still having bouts of it now….a few weeks later. It might have something to do with the fact that I only have 2 more weeks left in my current job, then I’m jobless. It’s probably that, but I can’t be sure! 😉

In the search for a new job, I’ve crossed paths with some very wise people, and the overwhelming piece of advice….What do you want? What do you really, really want?

And of course, that’s the easiest question in the world to answer. Everybody knows exactly what they want in life, right? WRONG! It’s an agonisingly difficult question to answer. A question that requires many hours of soul-searching. Now, I’m not sure if I struck it lucky, but in a way, I was almost forced into answering the question by being faced with a few very, very difficult decisions.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve applied for – what seems like – a gazillion jobs. Mostly, I was met with the usual…“Thank you for your application. However,….” Blah, blah, blah! Everyone knows how the rest of that line goes. However, I have been offered a few jobs, and they were good jobs. But every single time, I had to ask myself: What do you REALLY want? Answering this has caused many a semi-nervous breakdown accompanied by heart palpitations, tears and countless supportive hugs from my boyfriend, quickly followed by a large glass of red wine!

Yes, I’ve turned down a few jobs. I’m fully aware of just home awful that sounds, especially in todays economic climate. To some, I might even seem ungrateful. My justification? I have this amazing (and perhaps once in a lifetime opportunity…God knows, I’m not getting any younger!) to shape a career for myself. To bravely go out into the world and do what I really want to do with my life. Every time I made a decision about a job, I went with my gut feeling. And I have to say, so far in my life, that feeling has always served me well. I felt that if I took a job just for the sake of having a job, I would forever regret not just going all out to achieve my dream.

Well, what is this dream, you ask…..

I finally know. Without a shadow of doubt in my mind, I finally know what it is that I want to do. I’m want to work within the animal and environmental charity sector. I’m not quite sure which specific areas yet, but I’m willing to work hard and relentlessly to get where I want to be. I know the next year or two will be a lean year in the Davies/de Gouveia household, but we’re (and I include a very supportive boyfriend in that!) ready for it. Sometimes you have to sacrifice to achieve what you really want to, and that’s what I’m doing.

A very wise woman told me recently….”Once you know what you want, and I mean what you really, really want, you’ll always succeed at it. Do you know why? Because you’ll be passionate about it, and you’ll be happy no matter what.”

Well said.

Thanks for reading everyone & I’ll be sure to keep everyone posted!

xxxx

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2013 So Far….

Well, as per my last post, I’ve joined Slimkicker, which has actually been pretty good so far! I’ve been sticking to my challenge of not eating any junk food at all, and surprisingly I haven’t. I’ve been trying to cut back (not cut out!) carbs and concentrate on more protein and nutrient rich foods. 

The only down side is….I’m bloody hungry all the time! Now, I know this is not because I’m starving myself at all, it’s because I’ve been stuffing my face so much with carbs and sugars over the last month or two, that my belly is probably just used to eating more and “heavier” foods. I think I’ve eaten more salads and vegs over the last week than I have in the past month. Shameful, I know!

It feels like my body is going into shock! Hahhaaa! It may sound strange, but I think there’s some truth to it….I’m waiting for my stomach to shrink down to a normal size again, but in the mean time I just feel constantly hungry, but I’ve felt a lot less bloated (Gross!). I know this may be a bit of over-share, but I’ve been having terrible breakouts on my skin. My face looks like the ground surface of Hawaii…..constant erupting volcanoes! Apologies again, but maybe it’s my body getting used to the change in diet, who knows?! Has anyone else ever experienced this?

Also, I’ve been going back to gym. I’m trying to keep variety in my workouts, so am doing a bit of strength training combined with cardio, although I should be concentrating on doing more interval training. I don’t want to spend my life in the gym, so I want my sessions there to be more quality than quantity. 

I can tell that I’m super unfit though….well, at least I’m trying to change that. I’m feeling a lot more comfortable in my skin (and clothes!) at the moment, and things can only get better.

I’d love to hear how you guys are all doing in 2013 so far….get in touch! 

🙂

Slimkicking it in 2013!

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!

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I hope you all had a fantastic New Year and celebrated accordingly. I sure did! The boyfriend and I ended up at our local pub for some excellent food, drink and dance……except I’m still working on Greg actually getting up and doing a boogie! 😉 Apart for losing weight in 2013, I think I should try to teach the man a little dance or two. However, that might actually prove harder to do than losing weight! Hahahaa!

Well, what I wanted to share with you all today is that I’ve joined a new website called Slimkicker, and you can all check out the website here:

www.slimkicker.com/about

I’m pretty impressed so far, although I’ve only been using it for a day or two. It’s very much like your standard diet tracking website, where you can log your food, exercise and chat with other members, etc. But I think what I like about it most so far, is that it’s almost like a game, where you get points for healthy eating and can take part in challenges that change as you get fitter. 

The first challenge I’ve accepted is “Skip Your Favourite Junk Food” and I’m really excited about it. It’s a challenge for 7 days, and you can do one or more challenges at a time if you so choose, but I want to ease my way in during the first week of doing this. There are other members also completing the challenge and you can encourage each other as you go which is quite nice. I’ll keep you all posted on how I go! 

Also, I’m going back to gym, which is something I really should’ve done a while ago! But I’m doing it now, and better late than never. I just know I’m going to be hurting tomorrow night after a pretty sedentary Christmas stuffing my face. Well, you’ve got to get back on the horse at some point, right?

Well, that’s all the news I have for now. I’ll keep you all posted on my Slimkicker challenges and the gym tomorrow…..

I have a feeling that 2013 is going to be kind to me……or let’s hope so anyway! 🙂

xxx

My 2012 Blogging Year In Review….

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog……

Here’s an excerpt:

The new Boeing 787 Dreamliner can carry about 250 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,600 times in 2012. If it were a Dreamliner, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

In 2013 I will do better…..

HAPPY NEW YEARS’ EVE EVERYONE!!! 🙂

Back to Square One.

Things are pretty hectic at the moment. I feel like I’m juggling too many balls and I’m struggling. I hope this doesn’t sound like an excuse, but in my personal life, I can only focus on one thing at a time. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s the truth.

I was recently made redundant, so at the moment, my entire universe revolves around finding a new job. And I only have a month and a half to make it happen! I’m excited, but scared at the same time and I feel guilty whenever I’m not actively job hunting. Even if I’ve had a really long day, come home and just sit in front of the telly watching a programme, I feel guilty for not sending out my CV. I know that I have to give myself a break, but I can’t.

It’s all I can focus on at the moment and everything else has just fallen by the wayside. And I mean everything! I haven’t bothered following and planning an eating regime, and instead have been stuffing my face with everything in sight out of stress. I haven’t been to gym in weeks, because I come home from work and have to send out job applications!

As a result, I’ve managed to put back a stone in weight! I kid you not…..a bloody stone! I am so disappointed with myself, especially because I know exactly what I did (or didn’t do) to get back in this position. I just feel like my main priority is finding a new job and I just have no time for anything else.

I’m stressed out and frustrated and can’t stop stuffing my face. Especially with Christmas approaching, it’s really hard not to tuck into mince pies, extra vino and chocolates!

I just feel like I’m back to square one and it’s a little frustrating. It’s really hard for me to get back on track sometimes, so I hope I get a job soon an get this back on the right track!

The Art of Laughing at Yourself.

Sometimes you’ve just got to look at the funny side of life and recognise that if you don’t join others laughing (at your expense), you might just be taking yourself a little too seriously…..With that in mind, I thought I’d share a funny story with you guys today!

Yesterday morning I was leaving my house for work. I walk down the road to the bus stop that’s just around the corner, where I hop on the bus to the train station. Well, on this particular morning, I could see the bus coming from some way up the road and had to make a split decision….To run, or not to run. I ran.

Well, I suppose you know where this is going…

I don’t know what happened, but half way down, I went flying. It all seemed to happen in slow motion too, and I even tried to self-correct before totally face-planting into the pavement, but alas, there was nothing I could do. Once my chubby body decided on crash landing, there was really no stopping it. I fell and I fell really hard. So hard I think even my brain rattled around a little bit. I went sprawling, and with all the (chubby) momentum behind it, I think I even rolled a little bit. Oh, what I sight I must have made! I had my backpack on, so some helpless turtle images are coming to mind.

At this point I could already hear people laughing, but I think what I did next was the best bit. I was determined to make that damn bus, so mid-roll, I got back up and kept running. Dishevelled, covered in leaves and bleeding from both hands I kept running for the bus. Now, that’s dedication!

I knew that my fall must’ve been pretty entertaining for some, but I wasn’t quite prepared for what was about to happen. Still running towards the bus stop, two construction workers in their van actually slowed down until they were right beside me, one guy leaned out of the passenger side window, pointed at me and laughed so hard, I think he even cried a little bit! I have never quite had that happen and I remember thinking that I’ve at least provided this random person with some entertainment to brighten up their day.

Well, after all of this I still made the bus. Barely, but I did and I was damn proud of myself! Although I did have to pick an awful lot of leaves and twigs from my coat and people were looking at me as if I was a bit of a weirdo, but that’s okay.

I suppose what I’m trying to say with this little story is that sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. Even if you do something ridiculously embarrassing it doesn’t matter because you can’t go through life being all serious. Sometimes you’ve just got to accept that you’re the one that people will be pointing and laughing at and that’s okay. Let’s be honest, if you saw a chubby girl face-planting the pavement at high-speed, you’d be hard-pressed to not pee yourself laughing!

The End of Complacency….

So, I have some news…..

To cut a very long story short, we’ve had a major reshuffle at work, and I’ve decided to take redundancy. Eeeeek!! Super scary, but super exciting. I’ve worked in my current job for over 7 years and loved it, but it’s time to move on and put myself out there. Basically, I’m taking a giant leap out of my comfort zone and heading out into the great beyond….Basically, I’m terrified.

I know that I’ve made the right decision and I can’t even begin to tell you all how happy I am to make a new start. But every time I think about it, my belly does a very nervous flip and I’m reminded of the fact that I haven’t put myself out there for years and it really is a scary thought.

Now, I’ve said so many times that I really struggle with self-confidence and let’s face it – a general lack of belief in myself. Well, this has to change, and it has to change fast. In the next few weeks/months I’m going to have to go for job interviews and really sell myself. Strangely, I know I can do it. I’m scared, but it’s a good scared…..if that kind of thing exists!

Now, I know that having a hot and toned “bod” doesn’t magically give you confidence, but it does help. And as you know from my previous post, I haven’t been to the gym in ages and have only recently re-joined. So now, I have to really bust my ass and get some results. Not just for my health, and not just to help my confidence, but also to help me believe in myself and to know that when I set my mind to something, that I can really achieve it. To know that when I step into someone’s office for a job interview, that I can get through it and put forward my best side because I believe that all these things are not beyond my grasp.

I have been complacent for too long and I have made one promise after another to myself about what I want to achieve, and I have never delivered. Now, here’s the kick up the butt I’ve needed for so long. I’m effectively on the clock and time is ticking. Either I can or I can’t….

I know I sure as hell can and I’m going to prove to everyone and to myself that I can go out there, fight for what I really want and get it!

Reach for the stars and all that! 🙂

xxx

picture courtesy of www.someecards.com